Emmys cap "Friends" comeback
Conan, Chiklis among the few bright spots in bloated show

Tim Goodman, Chronicle TV Critic

And the winner for most bloated and yet mundane three hours of award giving goes to -- well, the Emmys, of course. Again. This was the 54th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards and, not entirely surprisingly, it has won this award 51 times.

If it wasn't for Amy Brenneman's blue dress and Michael Chiklis' upset victory, the Emmys would have been as heinous as MTV's "Video Music Awards" and -- what are those awards nobody ever watches? -- the Tonys. Yeah, the Tonys. If this trend continues, even the Latin Grammys will be yawning.

Still, the show had to go on. "The West Wing" won as best drama series and acting honors went to Allison Janney, John Spencer and Stockard Channing. "Friends" took best comedy series for the first time in its eight years, and Jennifer Aniston won as best actress. Emmys also went to Ray Romano, Brad Garrett and Doris Roberts of "Everybody Loves Raymond."

Disappointingly, HBO's undertaker drama, "Six Feet Under" which came in with 23 nominations, won only for directing.

Here's a sampling of the show's highs and lows.

Conan O'Brien may not have been everyone's first choice, perhaps conjuring up images of David Letterman at the Oscars, but the Emmys were long overdue for something different -- and funny. O'Brien was often fearless, mocking egos and celebrities left and right. And he was, as usual, irreverent. That said, he probably annoyed and puzzled much of America.

For our money, he was hilarious. The opening bit was great, with Conan waking up hung over at Ozzie Osbourne's house. From there, it got even funnier, with him admitting that NBC was forcing him to find a "love interest" for the rest of the show. Suddenly, Conan locks eyes with Aniston as the music swells. Then he looks left to lock eyes with an angry Brad Pitt. Shunned, he catches the stunned but loving look of Garry Shandling and suddenly the two are riding horseback on the beach.

Later, Jon Stewart proved to anybody who didn't already know that he'd be a terrific host.

Garrett won best supporting actor: Um, sure. Not expected, but hey, Middle America loves that show.

Accepting her Emmy, Roberts said: "This is what happens when you're young and sexy."

Conan used a telestrator in one of those uncomfortable Hollywood jokes spoofing celebrity seating assignments. There were a few gems. Circling two sections, he said one featured "black people who watch 'Frasier,' " and the other, "a woman with real breasts."

When Spencer won, it was the first moment of justice of the night.

Aaron Sorkin was called the sexiest man in Hollywood and one of the greatest writers in TV history. That's a pretty good night. It probably made for a sizzling little post-party bender.

Channing was the big winner, taking another Emmy for the movie, "The Matthew Shepard Story." That's great. But what the hell were all the women on "The West Wing" wearing?

Hey, we like that Tina Fey quite a bit. Funny girls in glasses -- yes.

At what point did you begin to think, 'Wow, this is boring. Why don't they serve drinks.'

Why did the Emmys decide to have stars of hit shows -- they were nominated for an award, for God's sake, not hiding in obscurity up on the BBC America channel -- explain their series? Look, if we don't know anything about these shows, then why are we wasting three hours of our lives on strangers?

Sting won an Emmy over Jon Stewart. That should never, under any circumstance, ever happen.

Just to prove that Emmy voters are often, if not always, insane, Michael Moriarty won best supporting actor in a miniseries or movie ("James Dean"). That was so wrong it was asinine.

You know that part where Conan was talking about editing, as the camera cut to his shoes and back, then to him as a child, etc.? Yeah, that part. We laughed at that. Maybe that's an indication of the boredom level.

NBC's gratuitous plugs for its new fall shows -- actors coming on stage, even! -- hit its nadir with "In-Laws," a show so horrendously unfunny that it can only wish it had Conan doing his shoe bit.

Clearly, one of the big new trends last night was women wearing dramatically revealing gowns -- with no cleavage. That's not counting Oprah, of course.

Romano's bit about his parents was funny ("Introduce me to McCloud!") but even funnier when they didn't laugh.

At what point did you just give up and switch over to "The Sopranos"?

Uh, did the "Saturday Night Live" cast write that Oprah humanitarian thing? Once we figured out it wasn't a spoof, it was nice to see the lady get a standing ovation. And Stedman's lip quivering? Ah, it was all so dramatic. And touching. Or so we've been told -- we fell asleep somewhere in the first quarter of her speech.

The men of Easy Company, though -- now that was a fine moment. And "Band of Brothers" was a brilliant miniseries that deserved to win.

So, what was the point of the Milton Berle ''retrospective"? Obviously not to do him any justice. Though it was perversely pleasurable to see Larry King get smacked with a big powder puff.

How about on "The Sopranos" when Meadow got up in Tony's face and called him "Mr. Mob Boss." Come on, you know you were watching. In fact, we could make up a bunch of fake winners for the Emmys and you'd never know any better.

Shandling on why the Emmys can't win an Emmy: ''It's technically impossible to get your head up your own ass."

Can he host next year?

Hey, maybe everybody does love Raymond.

Here's a little secret we probably shouldn't tell you. By the end, when Aniston won, we were too tired to be snarky. It just seemed nice that she won. Exactly -- nice. If you want your quarter back, that's OK, too.

Janney is a fine actress and winning three times in a row is stellar. Still,

that speech was atrocious and, let's be honest, she didn't deserve to win.

We've said this before and we'll say it again: Bloating the middle of the show with nonsense doesn't allow those people we've stayed up all night waiting to see any time to say anything of value. Take Janney, for example. Not that we were waiting for her.

Stunner! Michael Chiklis. God, we love that guy.

And lastly, what would the Emmys be without giving another undeserved victory to "The West Wing," when "Six Feet Under" should have nabbed it? How many times does Sorkin have to tell voters they got it wrong? And we got sap, too. "Friends" winning best comedy was nostalgic payback.

You were probably in bed when it happened, but yes, the Emmys did finally end. Let's all hope "The Sopranos" is a viewing alternative again next year.